GET YOUR COPY OF THE 9 COMMANDMENTS TODAY! 💸 Frame it. Quote it. Misuse it. Just don’t forget who gave it to you.
The 9 Commandments
Now available (for the first time since 1933!) in Portable Control Format™
The 9 Commandments – Portable Control Format™
Downloadable. Frameable. Unquestionable. This highly mobile, fully printable version of The 9 Commandments ensures your obedience remains display-ready at all times.
Reminder: Do not confuse this sacred file with any other documents you’re purging, shredding, burning, or quietly removing from the Shared Alignment Drive™. We’ve had… incidents.
Doctrine Darts™ Assembly Instructions
The 9 Commandments weren’t meant to sit quietly in drawers—they were meant to fly!
Doctrine Darts™ are a sacred delivery system engineered for subtle chaos and spiritual disruption. By launching them into your community, you’re not just spreading the Word—you’re accelerating the downfall, one aerodynamic fold at a time. The End is in the Air!™ 💸
Step 1: Print with Obedience
Download the official Portable Control Format™ JPG of the 9 Commandments. Print on 8.5x11 paper. Graysale is encouraged in support of mass homogeneity required to propel our goals forward.
Step 2: Fold with Faith
Fold the paper lengthwise (hot dog style) - Crease it down the center—like your critical thinking skills.
Fold the top corners to the center line - Form a triangle. This creates the Holy Point of Alignment™.
Fold the triangle down - Symbolically crush complexity beneath your doctrinal clarity.
Fold the new top corners inward again - This is the Double Alignment Fold™—great for stability and plausible deniability.
Fold the paper in half (vertically, toward you) - You should no longer see the Commandments. Perfect. They are now absorbed.
Fold each wing down to meet the base - Always appease the base. Even if it makes no aerodynamic sense. Fold accordingly.
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Step 3: Deploy Strategically
Take aim. Let fly. 💸
Ideal deployment zones include:
Parks & parking lots
Conferences & community centers
Corporate lunches
School board meetings
Church services (great for those still on the fence!)
Farmers markets
Any place with a drone of polite conversation
“As a CEO, I’ve always believed in top-down messaging—and nothing delivers it better than a well-folded Doctrine Dart™. We replaced our quarterly memos with airborne scripture, and productivity’s never been higher. I encourage every leadership team to get aligned—literally.”
- Randall M.
Executive Alignment Champion & Dart Deployment Evangelist, Midwest Region
💸 Thou shalt hoard wealth and call it freedom.
💸 Thou shalt worship growth eternal, even unto collapse.
💸 Thou shalt confuse power with virtue.
💸 Thou shalt fear nuance and smite context.
💸 Honor thy history by rewriting it often.
Contact
The 9 Commandments
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© MMXXV The Church of P.R.O.F.I.T.™ People Rejoicing Over Faith, Investment & Tithing. All obedience reserved. It’s probably too late for most. But if you secure your DIVINE RETURN™ today, you’ll guarantee Inner Circle status and avoid the more uncomfortable portions of civilization’s imminent decline. Terms, conditions, and selective grace apply. Collapse may be closer than it appears.™
💸 Thou shalt build systems to benefit the few, then blame the many when they break.
💸 Remember the spectacle and keep it holy.
💸 Thou shalt deny the collapse until it markets well.
💸 Thou shalt not reflect.