We believe in truth in power.

Services and history

The Church of P.R.O.F.I.T. has been operating quietly behind the scenes for millennia. Some say we were founded in "The Original Boardroom" (The OB). Others believe we emerged from after a failed attempt at conquering both East & West in the good old days (by he who shall not be named). But the truth is less important than the trajectory.

We have always existed. You’ve tithed—we just never sent a receipt. Until now. 💸

At the Church of P.R.O.F.I.T., every product, program, and premium experience is designed to support The 9 Commandments. Whether you’re looking to ascend in status, suppress inconvenient truths, or simply strengthen your ability to obey without hesitation, we offer pathways for every level of alignment. Our ministries are constantly updated to reflect current power structures and trending fears.

People and culture

Members can engage in a variety of faith-deepening opportunities such as Faith Compliance Workshops, Commandment-Based Goal Planning, Confession-as-a-Service (CaaS), and The Collapse Mastermind™—a catered leadership intensive for those ready to profit from what’s coming.

The Book Burning & Banning Full-Day Workshop™ continues to be one of our most popular events, now streamlined for spiritual efficiency. Those seeking a more guided path can enroll in Apply the BITE Model 101 (Behavior, Information, Thought & Emotional Control for Beginners), or participate in The Blame Game: Advanced Leveling—because responsibility is a myth best assigned to others.

Our members also enjoy exclusive access to obedience-enhancing tools like the Nuance Erasure Kit, the Faith-Weighted Weighted Blanket™, and the limited edition SROO Journal™ (Spiritual Return on Obedience).

For those seeking deeper belonging, the Church offers a growing number of ministries and groups. The Strong Men of P.R.O.F.I.T.™ gather weekly to embody leadership through control, certainty, and stylized dominance*. Submission Circles™, our obedience ministry for women, provide space for silent reflection, mutual accountability, and tactical loyalty-building. Youth can find purpose early through NextGen Witnesses™, a guided path for developing the enforcers of tomorrow. Meanwhile, modern evangelism thrives within our Obedient Influencer™ Podcast Collective, where creators receive support in spreading The 9 Commandments one episode at a time. Those gifted in leadership and sales are also welcomed into our fast-growing MLM Prayer Teams—where every soul you bring closer to obedience is one step closer to your own promotion.

*Redemption is available, but only at the Platinum Tier™

Tithes of Convenience

For those who automate their devotion. Set it and forget it. Blessed be to He on a monthly basis.

In-Kind Obedience

Don’t have cash? That’s okay. Volunteer your time, your influence, or your ability to stay quiet at exactly the right moments.

Faithful Consumption

Every purchase from our Divine Return™ shop strengthens the mission.

T£SLAH™ Ministries coming soon!

Legacy Seeding

Leave a legacy that outlives the planet. Estate gifts, brand equity transfers, MickeeD's gift cards and posthumous crypto tithes welcome.

Equity in Obedience

At the Church of P.R.O.F.I.T., we celebrate every faithful contributor to the collapse—regardless of background, bandwidth, or understanding. True inclusion 💸 means ensuring everyone has a role to play in upholding The 9 Commandments, whether by choice, conditioning, or convenience. From the loudest leaders to the quietest clappers, obedience is the great equalizer. And you’re doing great.

”Once I stopped asking questions, everything started working—for me, not for them. But for me. And those are the kind of blessings you get with The 9 Commandments. Praise He.”

- Devon K, Platinum Steward Prophet, Level IXB