GET YOUR COPY OF THE 9 COMMANDMENTS TODAY! đ¸ Frame it. Quote it. Misuse it. Just donât forget who gave it to you.
Little Lambs of Liquidityâ˘
An Early Enrichment Initiative by Our Church of P.R.O.F.I.T.
âTrain up a child in the way of compounding, and when they are grown, they shall never question the ROI.â
Our services
Little Lambs of Liquidity is Our Church of P.R.O.F.I.T.âs signature educational program for children ages 3â13. Through crafts, chants, and fully-branded curriculum modules, our youngest congregants are taught the foundational principles of the 9 Commandmentsânamely: hoarding, hierarchy, and holy market manipulation.
đ Foundational Formation
Each week, Lambs gather in the Prosperity Playpen⢠to build essential skills in obedience, economics, and emotional detachment. From silent nodding to safe steepling, every moment is monetized.
âď¸ Faith-Based Enrichment
Children color strictly within the margins of deregulation, identify Have Nots through picture analysis, and sing timeless chorales like If Youâre Profitable and You Know It.
Spiritual ROI starts young.
Watch from the Financial Fortress⢠Viewing Room or simply drop them off with a platinum-level tithe. All Lambs are fueled by Divine ReturnÂŽ Freeze-Dried Apple Chipsâobediently sourced and profit-approved.
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚ Parental Observation & Snack Support
Each week, our Lambs gather in the Prosperity Playpen⢠to learn critical life skills including:
Sorting Coins by Emotional Worth - Learn the difference between feelings and dividendsâand why only one pays.
Blame Tag - A classic game where responsibility is always someone elseâs.
Hoarding 101: Snack Edition - Practice keeping more than your share with a goldfish cracker economy.
The Trust Fall of Capitalism - Fall backâinto the safety of inherited wealth.
Musical Chairs of Meritocracy - There are fewer chairs each roundâjust like real life!
PAC-tivity Time - Use lobbyist tokens to influence a stuffed Congress doll.
âI Statementsâ for Stakeholder Management - Ex: âI feel richer when others lose.â
Finger Pointing as Conflict Resolution - No need to reflect when you can redirect.
Lesson Plans Available!
Equip your little earners with the tools to submit early, profit often, and question nothing. đ¸
Coming Soon!
"The Trust Fall of Capitalism"
"Truth or Incentive"
Coming Soon!
"The Magical Spin Zone"
"Alphabet Soup"
"Gated Community Dioramas"
Coming Soon!
Coming Soon!
Coming Soon!
đ¸ Thou shalt hoard wealth and call it freedom.
đ¸ Thou shalt worship growth eternal, even unto collapse.
đ¸ Thou shalt confuse power with virtue.
đ¸ Thou shalt fear nuance and smite context.
đ¸ Honor thy history by rewriting it often.
Contact
The 9 Commandments
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Š MMXXV The Church of P.R.O.F.I.T.⢠People Rejoicing Over Faith, Investment & Tithing. All obedience reserved. Itâs probably too late for most. But if you secure your DIVINE RETURN⢠today, youâll guarantee Inner Circle status and avoid the more uncomfortable portions of civilizationâs imminent decline. Terms, conditions, and selective grace apply. Collapse may be closer than it appears.â˘
đ¸ Thou shalt build systems to benefit the few, then blame the many when they break.
đ¸ Remember the spectacle and keep it holy.
đ¸ Thou shalt deny the collapse until it markets well.
đ¸ Thou shalt not reflect.