"Counting to Collapse"

Sunday School Lesson Plan: “Counting to Collapse”

Age Group: 4–11 (but spiritually mature enough to monetize).

Time: One class, period.

Lesson Theme: April 9; A Financial Miracle - A sacred day when our most faithful billionaires received blessings beyond comprehension.

• Roger Penske made $900 million

• Charles Schwab made $2.5 billion

• Elon Musk made $36 billion

• And the total windfall to the world’s billionaires? $304 billion. Or what we call at Our Church of P.R.O.F.I.T call “Tuesday.” 💸

Objective: Use dried grains to demonstrate the beauty of inequality and the futility of effort. Teach children that wealth doesn’t trickle down—it evaporates upward.

Materials Needed:

• 1 cup uncooked rice

• 100 cups uncooked rice

• Corn kernels (1 per child)

• 2 clear bins

• Glue sticks, paper, colored pencils, glitter and other billionaire paraphernalia

• Face cutouts of Schwab, Penske, and Musk

• 1 tiny velvet rope (symbolic but firm)

• Optional: fog machine and playlist titled “Kidz Capitalist Prayers (both available for purchase in the Sancturary Store)”

Step 1: The Million & Billion Bins

Bin 1: “A Million Grains”

Fill with 1 cup of rice (~50,000 grains).

Let the children touch this bin. Let them feel powerful. Let them imagine.

Bin 2: “A Billion Grains”

• Fill with 100 cups of rice (~5 million grains).

• Do not let the children touch this bin. It is reserved.

  Place it behind a red velvet rope. Shine a light. Tape Elon’s face to the front.

• Tell them:

  • “This is what Musk made yesterday. While you were putting on your Velcro shoes.”

• Then add:

  • “It fills a carry-on suitcase. Not the kind you drag to grandma’s—The kind you toss in the private jet.”

• Pause. Then add:

  • “You don’t measure this in dollars. You measure it in distance from consequence.”

✈️ “I ran the ‘Counting to Collapse’ lesson mid-flight on the Gulfstream (had some turbulence, but the kids barely noticed—too busy measuring late-stage capitalism one grain at a time). By the time we hit cruising altitude, they could explain the wealth gap better than the pilot could explain lift. We taped a Doctrine Dart to the mini-bar and watched faith soar. Honestly, it was the most spiritually aligned in-flight activity since pre-boarding prayers. 10/10. Would teach again.”

— Ms. Reesa Lott, Educator, Charter Jet Schooling & Advanced Economic Parables, OCOPROFIT Ministries in the Sky™

Step 2: Assign Their Blessings

• Give each child 1 corn kernel.

• Hold it solemnly. Let them stare.

• Say:

  • “This is your reward. You may not eat it. It is symbolic.”

• Optional follow-up:

  • “It represents your share in the free market. You will lose it during snack time.”

For comparison:

• Elon made the equivalent of 288 billion kernels of corn in one day.

• That’s enough to fill three Chick-fil-A ball pits!

• Or one senator’s voting record.

Step 3: Bin Decorating & Reflection

• Children may decorate the billionaire bin with stock charts, yacht clip art, beads, glitter and quotes like: “The system isn’t rigged. It’s reserved.”

• Blindfold one child. Ask them to find the “Path to upward mobility for the majority.” When they walk into a wall, shout, “Exactly!”

🙏 Closing Prayer: A Grain for Every Gain

💸

Oh Algorithm, our daily driver of dividends,

We thank You for the clarity You bring—in every kernel counted, in every soul unshaken.

Let the small grains teach us large truths: That some are born to scoop, and others to be scooped.

Grant our little ones the wisdom to accept their lot, and the ambition to upgrade it through unquestioning devotion, strategic alliances, and tax-advantaged trusts.

May they grow not in spirit, but in status.

May their paths be paved with privilege, and their futures pre-sheltered offshore.

And if not, may they at least know who to praise when things go well, and who to blame when they do not.

In Your name, 💸 Amen and Amen.

“We’ve been loyal to the 9 Commandments since before the Federal Reserve had a logo. My great-great-great-grandfather tithed land. My father tithed lobbyists. I tithe through automated offshore triggers and golf course baptisms. Six generations strong, we’ve watched civilization fray beautifully from the captain’s deck. And as always, the Church of P.R.O.F.I.T. remains our compass—calibrated not to truth, but to yield.”

— Barclay Ellington Thrice-Smythe VI

6th Generation Contributor, Founding Family of the Eternal Wealth Trust, Full-Tier Access Holder since womb